(After Nina Powles)
Today scientists discovered the speed of clouds:
The taste of froth on milky coffee
The crumpled bed with duck feathers
The way my computer autocorrects 'cirrus' to 'citrus.'
The day after our wedding was diluted water-colour blue.
A hand unfurls and confetti is found among the debris
along with shards of a day I never memorised.
There is no synonym for clouds -
only the precision of names or the sense of change
My mother says it's us that move; not them.
I write the names nimbus, stratus and mackerel sky on folded paper
and hang them by the window so I am surrounded
inside and out.
Their silent drift is lulling me to sleep.
Saturday, 11 July 2020
Tuesday, 31 March 2020
Forgiveness
There’s much to forgive, and much to be forgiven for.
Imagined slights, outright rudeness, hate, that sideways glance two years ago in Tescos, shouting, ignored text messages, and the way you always put milk in my tea.
Then there’s pain that reverberates down the years. The sharpness piercing a soft outer shell
Damaging the tough centre too
The way teeth bite through a Feast lolly
Or an apricot
Surprised to meet resistance along the way.
Things are changed and I want to say -
It’s ok with me, what you did - but how can I speak for the molecules intrinsically altered
by the adrenaline rush of anger
or for the neural pathways
rerouted along the magnet path of rejection?
Forgiveness is great
but have you tried can’t-be-arsedness?
It’s easier to gently pick up the remnants of a too-busy life
And then move off, nomad-like
Skimming the surface
Dropping memories into the water
Like forgotten receipts.
Nothing carried, nothing owed.
Saturday, 28 March 2020
Juno and the Book
The Book was three weeks overdue. Juno found herself running with it to the library, seized with sudden guilt, just before closing time on Friday afternoon. The State had tightened up their renewals policy after the new loans scheme proved so popular that the Books were starting to run out. As she ran, she wondered how a reading programme intended to build empathy and understanding through the ‘celebration of difference’ had ended up being a bit of a bun fight. There was now a three month waiting list for the most popular titles, and even the older books were usually checked out by lunchtime.
“Can I renew it – please?” Juno smiled hopefully at the librarian. The older woman was clearly embracing her role; she’d put together the classic librarian assemblage, from the pinze nez and bun, to the cardigan and sensible shoes. It wasn’t uncommon for people to dress in costumes which reflected the roles of bygone days (roles known back then as ‘jobs’) - from those times when labour was a commodity, and someone else decided what you were worth. During her run to the library Juno had seen a waitress, a park-keeper, and more randomly, someone dressed as a priest. Uniforms of all kinds were banned now, but strangely people still loved to dress up and look like each other. The imposition of difference had ironically resulted in resistance through similarity. Caught up in the librarian/wayward lender scenario, and the pleasure in acting it out, Juno half-expected to be shushed at this point. But the building itself was anything but quiet. Most of the noise, it seemed, came from the Books themselves, and she could hear a low rumble of conversation echoing through the vaulted atrium. Clearly the chatter hadn’t been successfully confined to the sound-proof reading rooms.
True to form, the librarian looked exasperated. “There’s already a waiting list – and this is your third renewal. What are you doing with it, for heaven’s sake? Memorising every word?”
Juno considered the woman in front of her for a moment before fixing on a strategy. This was a person who clearly loved stories; you had to, to toil all day for nothing in a place like this.
“I really need to know the ending. Just one more day?”
***
They’d burnt all the analogue books just before the revolution of 2021. It was during that strange time of interregnum – while the world was dying and waiting to be reborn. A time full of dark words from powerful and dangerous men, foolhardy, arrogant and incredibly self-assured. If there was a mood that Juno remembered from that time – and she couldn’t remember much – it was utter self-belief in the face of obvious untruths. Not just from leaders, but manifested through denial on a massive human scale; everyone seemingly blind to the world around them - a world that was rapidly falling apart. Old fuels disappeared quickly, but that wasn’t the only reason they burnt the books. In the pain of loss and shame, and a desire for new priorities and collective renewal, it seemed best to obliterate the past and just start all over again.
Back in her apartment, Juno ran her finger down the Book’s spine. When you joined the library you had to sign a long list of terms and conditions in order to receive your card; it wasn’t like the loan system she remembered as a child. There had been a bit of misuse of the Books; people using them like the old-fashioned dating app Tinder, taking out things they liked the look of and browsing with no intent to read them properly. Juno had been guilty of this too for a while, but told herself it was just natural curiosity. The rules now stated that there was to be no intimate touching of the books, other than the necessary functions of handling them. But she’d broken the rules twice already with this one. How could you really immerse yourself in a story unless you held it closely – felt its weight, buried yourself in its scent?
Juno’s latest book was called Malthe. He came from Denmark originally, and she loved his contrariness. Malthe dressed conservatively, but beneath the shirts and pressed trousers were numerous tattoos - words overlapping across his skin, so that reading him became much more than just an auditory experience. The slimness of his hips disguised a love of pastries, and he would smoke cigarettes on the balcony straight after the five mile runs he took every day. Juno loved to hear the strange words of his country and tales of old customs, from days before the removal of borders and the emergence of One Nation. He told of his life in Nyvhavn, describing the rows of coloured houses stretching down from Kingens Nytorv along the harbourside. He shared the stories of Hans Christian Anderson, and of other lesser-known traditions and folk-tales, and spoke of the power of ‘faelleskaab’ – togetherness, belonging and community; not only was it a different time, but it felt like a different world.
There were no stipulations about what you should do when you took a book out, so Juno used her imagination. She read Malthe everywhere; on the train, walking through the park, sitting on benches in the bustling squares, while the people around them bartered and traded. At night she dreamt of travelling, to visit the places of which he spoke so eloquently. It was loneliness probably – or that’s what Juno told herself – along with the power of Malthe’s story-telling. She’d read an article years ago, about people who were sexually attracted to intelligence. His words moved her so much that when she closed her eyes she could see them dance in all their strangeness, enveloping her in such a way that made her body seemed to vibrate with the echoes of them. It was very much like the virtual reality games that had been so popular in the days when actual reality got too much to bear. She had a strange sense that Malthe’s words might actually be written on his bones, or borne along on his blood cells. She wanted to feel him inside her too, but Malthe told her laughingly that he wasn’t ‘that kind of a book’.
That she only had one last day with the Book felt desperately unfair. A loans system should rightly reflect the length of time you actually needed to read something; although if she was honest, Juno knew she could have kept Malthe for a year and still not understood or absorbed everything he had to say. She’d planned a long walk and a picnic lunch, but for some reason Malthe seemed to want to stay near the apartment. He was unusually reticient too, responding to Juno’s questions with counter-queries and empty pauses, which she ended up filling. It took her until lunchtime to realise that this time, she was the one being read.
And once the reading started, the stories rushed back to her in a flood. Tales of childhood, of lost words and phrases, descriptions of food, of friends and pasttimes... and of growing up on a coast where the sea still lapped the shore and you could walk on sand rather than plastic. Of games that she would play with friends in the street, and of the libraries with real paper books in.
**
Later, back at the library, Juno signed a new library card. She hadn’t noticed before, but the phrase on the back read Veritas Liberabit Vos. Malthe had told her the same – that the truth will set you free – when he convinced her that it was time to tell her own story. Smiling, and brimful of words, she handed him back, and checked herself in.
Sunday, 5 January 2020
Our Rhizomatic Life
We are...
sea lavender
Kentucky bluegrass
daisies and tulips
couch grass
turmeric
mint
and ants.
Bamboo and waterlilies
crassula and rhubarb
Virginia creeper
Venus flytrap
lily of the valley
bluebells
string figures
and webs.
We are...
what connects us
fragrance and echoes
weavers of memories
brash and persistent
hooking and knotting
embracing the mess
moving outwards and across
propagators, cartographers, seeds.
sea lavender
Kentucky bluegrass
daisies and tulips
couch grass
turmeric
mint
and ants.
![]() |
| by Irene Leach |
crassula and rhubarb
Virginia creeper
Venus flytrap
lily of the valley
bluebells
string figures
and webs.
We are...
what connects us
fragrance and echoes
weavers of memories
brash and persistent
hooking and knotting
embracing the mess
moving outwards and across
propagators, cartographers, seeds.
Monday, 30 December 2019
#30DaysReflectResist
As educators, we have little time to reflect on our practice. I'm convinced that the reason for this is largely political - who knows what we might think, share, or decide to change if we have time to really explore and consider the issues affecting what we do in our day to day working lives? Means of resistance are becoming more squeezed, as we fight the bureaucracy of 'academic capitalism', where time is money, and less time is our own. Twitter exchanges are carried out in soundbites; there is anger and there is frustration, and most of all, there is pain. We are all grieving for something - our disconnection from the natural world, from each other, for a world of equality which is unlikely to come in our lifetimes, for certainty and answers when everything feels upside down.
Yet we need to continue to seek out affirmative approaches to change, that take us out of places of pain and inspire hope. These might just be temporary 'lines of flight,' but the disruptions to the status quo can produce a ripple effect that lead to lasting change, even if we can't see what these might be right now, or know where they might take us. Networks like #ClearTheAir slow down linear time as conversations loop and emerge through thinking that is deeply relational and reflexive; but most of all informal, driven through the will of individuals to learn and share together in a spirit of humility and vulnerability. These are the kind of spaces where learning happens, but they require a presence and openness that can be difficult, particularly when we are fearful. Being reflective in this context means letting go; or as Brene Brown would say, 'daring greatly.' Perhaps this is one resolution to start with in this new year.
In 2017 the fab Benjamin Doxtdator (@doxdatorb) put together a podcast which encourages us to take a pause and reflect on the 'productive interruptions' which might create small ruptures in the systems that limit and constrain us. You can listen to it here: http://www.longviewoneducation.org/give-educators-pause-2018/ On the back of his brilliant idea, I suggested we take the first 30 days of January 2018 to continue pausing and reflecting in response to different questions about social justice in education, grouping them with the hash tag #30DaysReflectResist. And now I'm suggesting we do it again in the early days of 2020.
I have started to post reflective questions on the 30 Days Google doc - please take a look and add your own question to the list. I will then post one for each day of January on Twitter using the hash tag #30DaysReflectResist. How much or how little you join in is up to you, but if you would like to pause and reflect in the company of others, it might be a great way to start your new year.
It's in our interests to stay awake and alert to means of resistance, even when anaesthetizing (in whichever way we choose) feels like an easier way to deal with the pain. As the structures within which we work become more restrictive and stultifying, it may be that the rhizomatic connections we make through projects like this really are the best hope we have for change and transformation.
Looking forward to reading your thoughts and tweets over the coming month - many thanks for sharing.
Yet we need to continue to seek out affirmative approaches to change, that take us out of places of pain and inspire hope. These might just be temporary 'lines of flight,' but the disruptions to the status quo can produce a ripple effect that lead to lasting change, even if we can't see what these might be right now, or know where they might take us. Networks like #ClearTheAir slow down linear time as conversations loop and emerge through thinking that is deeply relational and reflexive; but most of all informal, driven through the will of individuals to learn and share together in a spirit of humility and vulnerability. These are the kind of spaces where learning happens, but they require a presence and openness that can be difficult, particularly when we are fearful. Being reflective in this context means letting go; or as Brene Brown would say, 'daring greatly.' Perhaps this is one resolution to start with in this new year.
In 2017 the fab Benjamin Doxtdator (@doxdatorb) put together a podcast which encourages us to take a pause and reflect on the 'productive interruptions' which might create small ruptures in the systems that limit and constrain us. You can listen to it here: http://www.longviewoneducation.org/give-educators-pause-2018/ On the back of his brilliant idea, I suggested we take the first 30 days of January 2018 to continue pausing and reflecting in response to different questions about social justice in education, grouping them with the hash tag #30DaysReflectResist. And now I'm suggesting we do it again in the early days of 2020.
I have started to post reflective questions on the 30 Days Google doc - please take a look and add your own question to the list. I will then post one for each day of January on Twitter using the hash tag #30DaysReflectResist. How much or how little you join in is up to you, but if you would like to pause and reflect in the company of others, it might be a great way to start your new year.
It's in our interests to stay awake and alert to means of resistance, even when anaesthetizing (in whichever way we choose) feels like an easier way to deal with the pain. As the structures within which we work become more restrictive and stultifying, it may be that the rhizomatic connections we make through projects like this really are the best hope we have for change and transformation.
Looking forward to reading your thoughts and tweets over the coming month - many thanks for sharing.
Thursday, 17 October 2019
Party in the Mid-life
Your Oestrogen’s on the wane, they said
But if I’m honest I saw her heading out the door ages ago
Skipping and jumping
hand in hand with the elusive Words that I’d been looking for in class
Plump-cheeked and confident
Ready for the party
Where undercover Serotonin hands out shots
And she can dance til dawn.
You go girl! I think
But also
Who will give me time to miss her?
Monday, 16 September 2019
Uni-form
They say we're the same
Yet my shirt bears the unique imprint of my DNA
as pre-sewn double helix insignia
While your tie constricts a neck
that takes in different air from mine.
Jumpers are made of wool from myriad sheep
and polyester-mix Teflon coated blazers
- crude as the oil they came from -
can't resist the stains of a million ancient organisms
born to wrap resisting teenage bodies.
Walking home, you said
The sun was butter
spread across pavements and melting in puddles.
It won't look the same tomorrow.
And school's manicured hedges
still have branches that escape
like unruly eyebrows.
'Be more hedge!' we laughed
and scuffed our shoes
too young to believe
we are not the world
and the world is not us.
Yet my shirt bears the unique imprint of my DNA
as pre-sewn double helix insignia
While your tie constricts a neck
that takes in different air from mine.
Jumpers are made of wool from myriad sheep
and polyester-mix Teflon coated blazers
- crude as the oil they came from -
can't resist the stains of a million ancient organisms
born to wrap resisting teenage bodies.
Walking home, you said
The sun was butter
spread across pavements and melting in puddles.
It won't look the same tomorrow.
And school's manicured hedges
still have branches that escape
like unruly eyebrows.
'Be more hedge!' we laughed
and scuffed our shoes
too young to believe
we are not the world
and the world is not us.
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